What Not To Do At A Writer's Retreat

I recently had the pleasure of attending two writer retreats. I'll be sharing a sneak peek inside what goes on at a writing retreat in an upcoming post, but for now, alas, I must share my top five things not to do while attending one. 1. Do not try and enter the wrong room. In doing so you may scare an elderly couple to death. It does help to pay attention to the details. For instance, there may be more than one room 4026. If you look closely at the map the kind gentleman at the check-in counter gave you, you'd see that all the rooms start with a letter and then a set of numbers.

2. Do not lose the key to your own room, especially when your arms are loaded down with books from all your author friends. You may be waiting in the hall for a while until you realize you really haven't lost your key--it has only slipped between your colored index cards. Don't you look silly.

3. Do not teach a workshop wearing a new skirt without removing the bright red clearance tag first.

4. Do not steal a napkin from the hotel restaurant. Okay, steal is a harsh word. Pay attention to what you are scooping up with your phone into your bag while at breakfast. You may find hotel property in said bag and how embarrassing is it to have to return a used cloth napkin.

5. Last but not least, do not wear the wrong shoes for the occasion. For example, ballet flats do not provide the best traction on slippery, sloping walkways and you may inadvertently end up doing the splits in front of a captive and highly amused audience.

And, how do I know all this you may ask. Yes, I'm guilty of all the above. Add in the fact that authors I greatly admire and respect were in attendance, and it was my first time attending the one conference....I fear I may not get invited back. Or, if I do, it may simply be for the entertainment I provide <sheepish grin>.

Any fun and slightly embarrassing facts you'd like to share?